Tony Blair To Be Offered Chief Shoe Shine Role
Tony Blair will be this boys Boss
Tony Blair will be offered the position of European Chief of Shoe Shining today in a bid to appease Britons who want rid of the man who orchestrated the beginnings of the new UK totalitarian state. European people in suits will offer the top job of President to a small and insignificant person who will perform tricks for the German and French leaders at many an EU soirée.
Blair had been a contender for the EU court jester role but it is thought that he simply isn’t funny enough to satisfy the notoriously humourless Angela Merkel, who, it is rumored, has never laughed once in her life. Sources close to the decision process have commented on Sarkozy’s jealousy at Tony Blair’s height which would make the French President feel even more insecure about his unnaturally stunted frame.
The model for the decision making process has been taken verbatim from an old soviet method where the people are merely told what is good for them and to hell with public opinion.
Pierre Lellouche, a French person, has asked the British people to give him a good kicking in response to David Camerons promise to stop the EU from stealing the UK. Pierre Lellouche, which translates as ‘Peter the Shower-Dodger’, accused the British of being universally autistic, pathetic, sad and castrated before finishing his statement with “…and I would love it if the British came and give me a right good kicking.”
Having a history of saving the world from itself the US Government has been advised by senior military advisors to bring Democracy to the people of Britain. Chancellor Obama has been briefed on the plan which would see the United Kingdom as the first part of Federal Europe to be invaded.
The Czechs have given the UK a green light to have a general election after signing away Europe-wide national sovereignty to an unelected supreme power known as the EU and preventing the British from being able to do anything about it. The Czechs were the last country to sign away their own right to absolute self-governance and will instead be merely a small council with limited ability to choose their own destiny. Europe as a continent will cease to exist on December 1st, Europe as a Monocracy will then begin.