Simon Cowell to Take Charge of Live Debates
The SNP arrive in Court
Simon Cowell’s production company, Syco, is in line to head up the live politcal TV debates that will be aired next year featuring the three major political parties and possibly the vast girls blouse that is the SNP if their legal challenge to feature in the show is successful. Simon Cowell will likely be on the judging panel which could include Nick Griffen, Tony Benn and Joanna Lumley.
The three debates will take on a typical talent show format with the public voting off who they believe are the weakest with the winner to receive the keys to number 10. Nick Clegg, already second favourite to be booted off the show, said “Do you know how many women I have slept with? No?! It’s a lot, I can tell you. I also like to dress up as David Bowie and engage in heavy drinking sessions at parties. Invite me to yours! You won’t regret it.” When asked if he thought his Liberal Party could make in-roads with the live television debates he said “Well, not really. We’re the same party that thinks the Guardian is a text-book of popular social thought and opinion. We will effectively ban you from cars, pubs, Morrisons and eating pies. Seriously, would you vote for that?” …more
David Cameron has been consulting various tradesmen about his vision for 10 Downing Street ahead of his expected move next year. After winning the general election Mister Cameron is expected to install a swimming pool, loft insulation and double glazing to the front of the house. Top of the agenda for the Tory leader is 
Pierre Lellouche, a French person, has asked the British people to give him a good kicking in response to David Camerons promise to stop the EU from stealing the UK. Pierre Lellouche, which translates as ‘Peter the Shower-Dodger’, accused the British of being universally autistic, pathetic, sad and castrated before finishing his statement with “…and I would love it if the British came and give me a right good kicking.”