Sales of Colour Copiers Soars
Sales of colour copiers have rocketed in recent weeks as offices begin gearing up for the party season. Office workers are anticipating a record number of backsides to be copied and the advent of cheaper colour copiers has raised interest in the Christmas craze that is as old as office photocopiers themselves.
Charlie Short, an office worker from somewhere other than Slough, said “We’ve all seen those dull, over-exposed bum copies but imagine the laughs when it comes out in full colour. I can just see the smiles when a faint hand print is clearly visible where the MD got a bit saucy – el oh el!”
Retailers are bracing themselves for a rush since the popular Facebook group ‘I colour copied my arristotle’ reached four thousand members. Claire Worthington, the group admin, said “Everyone is doing it, why hide it. The group was set up so that people could send in photos of themselves actually in the process of colour copying their backside. Oh em gee!”
Demand for Dog Clothes among Cat owners has dropped to its lowest level since records began last year amid fears that Cats are becoming slightly annoyed at having to rely on idiots who buy them dog clothes to open their cans of, what is hopefully, Cat food. 
The most insufferable tossers in history, the X Factor twins, are leading favourites to be shot in front of millions of viewers. Louis Walsh, the tit who put them through, is also being lined up as a potential target although it is more likely he will simply be banished to Ireland where he can annoy his own people with mind-numbingly boring wankers instead.
Militant populist Ken Livingston has accused the equally loathsome BBC of bias after the delightful Boris Johnson made a smile-inducing cameo on the set of Eastenders. The soap, the most misguided portrayal of London life since Hawley Primary Schools rendition of Dickens’ Oliver, is often considered a major platform for politicians to raise their profile recently after any campaign for votes.