Band of Slugs

England Too Good To Care About Wales

Charlotte Church would make a terrible Secretary

England are too busy with promiscuity to concern themselves with sporting events involving themselves and Wales it has been revealed.  In the last few days England have been drawn against the Welsh in the qualifying rounds for the 2012 European cup and have beaten the Welsh at what the valley-dwellers consider to be their best sport – short of gurning.

Having trained for a maximum of 20 minutes for the Twickenham spectacle on Saturday, England went on to indulge in heavy flirting and some bottom slapping in a busy London pub before casually turning up to beat Wales 30-odd to something or other.  The gaffer, MJ, said after the game “Yeah, I think it was the Nags Head or something, in Covent Garden, we was all in there and these lasses turned up so we thought we’d all cheat on our wives before the match like.  I was perfectly happy for the boys to do that as I had every confidence they’d beat Wales.”

Meanwhile, Fabio Capello has re-iterated his commitment to juicier scandal surrounding the English football team by announcing that any time training for the Wales game will be spent hiring new Secretaries instead with the whole team getting involved in the selection process.  John Terry, a world class fornicator, will lead the interviews and Fabio Capello will import some very attractive ladies from Italy for the try-outs. It has prompted bookmakers to slash the odds on divorce related payments to exceed £1 billion for the England squad.

Wales have responded to this apparent lack of respect by issuing a statement.  Unfortunatley for them we can’t read a word of their language so we have ad to make it up instead.  Let’s just pretend the statement said something like “While we recognise that England will likely batter us, both home and way, it is important to note that we play in the best spirit of the game even if we are there just to make up the numbers.”