Band of Slugs

Fabio Capello Ponders Method of Death for Terry

Fabio Capello is not a man you want to annoy.

Fabio Capello will consider his methods for punishing John Terry today.  It is widely expected that the Godfather of English football will choose a Gangland style execution but this would require the Queen to step in and prevent Fabio Capello from being prosecuted for murder.  Execution style will leave less evidence and could not be traced back to the England manager and this form of punishment is most likely.

John Terry will learn his fate today and it is thought that Wayne Bridge has volunteered his services following a crash course in assassination, theory and practice.  Bridge, a former friend of Terry, said “I’ve just completed degrees in both Assassination Theory and Effective Assassination Practices so I’m well prepared should the Gaffer call me up.  I’ve got a lot to offer now, I’ve improved my aim, my form looks good and I firmly believe that I’m now unplayable.”  When asked to clarify what ‘unplayable’ is supposed to mean Bridge said “I dunno, managers say it a lot on Match of the Day so I guess it’s good, right?”

Capello is rumoured to have requested immunity from prosecution by writing to the Queen, who he mistakenly believes can let him off any hook he manages to wind up on.  A source close to Capello said “ee no like-a da Terry.  Ee’s a biga fana of tha, how yo say, monogamio – where you are only sleeping with the one girl.  Ee no like-a da Birlesconi, ee think maybe that ee ‘as had a bad impressionano on John Terry – maybe Mister Terry thinka it’s okay to sleep with anything in a skirt-a?”

John Terry is likely to be shot at aproximatley 1500hrs today.