Band of Slugs

David Bowie Rages Over Jedward Single

David Bowie hides in a corner and awaits Jedward's inevitable drug addiction

Legendary musician, David Bowie, is said to be maniacal after the news that Sony BMG have signed the world’s worst ‘musical’ duo since Milli Vanilli – the universally hated Jedward.  Bowie, upon hearing of Jedward’s plans to release a version of the classic Bowie/Queen song ‘Under Pressure’, allegadly flew in to a rage and threw a lollipop at a group of passing Swedish tourists in a busy New York street.  Friends of the iconic superstar said he remained in an unstable condition and fears remain that he could turn on visiting Irish people.  One friend said “As far as Dave is concerned, the Irish are guilty by association”.

Sony have produced the equivalent of farting in the face of the entire planet by signing the talentless, obnoxious, simple and possibly inbred Irish twins and will market the hated pair to toddlers and American teenagers who have a mis-guided interpretation of irony.  Simon Cowell, who had the chance to kill any interest in the hapless wasters, will feature the boys heavily in his forthcoming ‘charity’ single – a move which is sure to fire Bowie’s blood pressure through the roof.

Fans of the late Freddie Mercury insist he’d be turning in his grave at the thought of these two morons giving a bad karaoke of his song.  One fan said “Freddie wouldn’t think much of it.  I’m not so sure he was too keen on irritating, uninventive and borderline illiterate Irish boys.”

David Bowie will check in to a secret hotel for 6 months and ride out the unusual and slightly morbid fascination with the big-haired freaks.  By all accounts they are expected to have no more of a shelf-life than Michelle McManus with many Celebrity tipsters believing the twins will suffer chronic drug addiction which will spiral out of control as their false popularity wanes.  Should that prove true David Bowie won’t have to hide away for too long.