Band of Slugs

Mesh Computers Roll Out New Customer Service Policy

How a Mesh Computers Exec might look as he approves measures to increase customer dissatisfaction

Mesh Computers have gone to incredible new lengths to lower public opinion of them by holding customers money without actually sending out any orders.  The customer service policy, the brainchild of customer services manager Sumati Jetha, involves customers paying for new computers and then getting absolutely nothing in return.  Mesh executives believe this revolutionary new retail format could finally force the company to give the bosses massive payoffs without having to do any further work.

Max Sherafati, owner of Mesh Computers, might have said “What we really want is to piss everyone off with the end product being a re-distribution of the money from our investment partners straight in to my bank account.  I really can’t be bothered to turn up once a week anymore just to look at a load of miserable, thieving employees.  I’ve got a lovely house in Surrey and like to spend more time there.”

The plan to hold customers money for an unnecessary length of time enables the business to generate a small fortune from short term stock dealings and interest rates.  It is thought that the company also uses the retained capital to finance loan sharks who prey on the most vulnerable members of society.  One resident in Runcorn might have told us “This big bloke turned up on door step and said I had to borrow £2,500 pounds from him, he wouldn’t take no for an answer.  He mumbled something about an interest rate of 3000% and if I didn’t pay he’d break my legs.  I called the number on his card and got through Mesh Computers customer service.  They told me they’d call back, they didn’t.  the doctors said I might never walk again.”

For more on Mesh Computers being crap visit Mesh Computers – Terrible Experience – Choose Dell