Band of Slugs

Product Design Awards End in Tragedy

The designers of DOUCHE, scheduled for a long spell in jail.

Product Designers from around the country were left in horror last night as a concept product design came to life and opened fire on the judging panel.  The Annual Product Design Awards were being held to celebrate British product design and to drum up business from overseas but an award winning design for a new remote control attack helicopter went tragically wrong and shot dead Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and some other bloke who nobody liked anyway.

Cowell, Holden and the other bloke were there to judge to the finalists in the Overall Best Product design category and were killed when the bookies favourite, Dreaded Ordinance Ubër Cannon Helicopter Enforcer – DOUCHE, malfunctioned and dispatched the three clean-of-teeth judges.  Civilians present at the awards were not harmed but left in a state of shock and relief.

Thom Japton, a Batman fan, said “Yeah, it was like totally weird.  One minute Cowell is banging on about wedding singers and the next this massive helicopter shot the lot of them.  I’m a bit upset because it was quite messy but also a little happier ’cause I never liked them much anyway.”  Organisers of the British Product Design Awards will refund all members of the public as a show of goodwill.

One of the designers of DOUCHE was able to speak to us from prison last night.  He said “Well, I thought it would be a laugh to include a sub-routine that went off if Cowell said ‘appaulling’, that set DOUCH off but I never expected it actually shoot all the judges.  Leaves Britain’s Got Talent in the [poo] a bit doesn’t it?  Oh well, I thought we were a dead cert for product design  award.  Did anybody find our Helicopter?”  Both men, Stringfellow Hawke and Dominc Santini, will be sentenced later this month.  DOUCHE remains elusive and is yet to be found.