Band of Slugs

Car Hire Firms in Hippy Slaughter

Hippies are clamouring to hire this Camper van

Car Hire firms have turned their attentions to hippies by hiring out death trap Volkswagen Camper vans and unstable Beetles to unsuspecting hippies.  The fightback against increasingly extremist hippies began as climate change activists turned their attentions to car hire firms.  Socially-unproductive hippies have been accusing motorists and air travellers of having a detrimental effect on the global climate, although it is now unanimously accepted that water vapour is the culprit and increased carbon levels is an effect of rising temperatures and not the catalyst as hippies believe.

Hippy religion now advocates brutal measures against anybody driving a car or making money, they apparently operate with no regard for the law and as such companies around the world are taking a stand.  Car hire firms have taken the lead in the fight against the great unwashed by hiring out VW Camper vans during the festival season, these Camper vans are equipped with remotely controlled explosives and dodgy break cables.  The VW Beetles are no better, they feature leaking exhaust fumes and the dodgiest electrical systems of any vehicle on the road.  It is hoped that care hire firms alone can cut the hippy population by some 10% during the summer months.

Peter Gore, a Welsh person who hires cars out, said “Bore da, boyo!  I suppose you’ll be looking for one of those Camper vans, isn’t it?  Oh wait, you’re not a hippy.  How about a nice Vauxhall Astra instead? Da iawn!”

Hippies were less enthusiastic about the revelations.  Band of Slugs took a security team to an illegal rave to ask the opinion of chief hippy, Dancing Snow Flower.  We asked why he had such a ridiculous name and Dancing Snow Flower told us “You think that’s bad, my sister is called ‘Frolics with the Cows in the Green Meadow’, we think mum and dad were taking the [urine].”  When asked if he intended to hire out a Camper van for the festival season he said “Oh yeah, by then we’re all raved out and the riot season has finished so off to Glasto we go!”