Band of Slugs

EU To Regulate Baby Names

European Politician Announces Plan to Regulate Baby Names

The all conquering EU is to regulate baby names in a bid to harmonise a European identity for the next phase of it’s plan to remove cultural identity among it’s citizens.  The plan will see British babies being given Spanish, German and French names and will eventually include a numbering system for surnames to assist an EU taxation system.

Baby names such as Jack and Mary will be banned and replaced with foreign equivalent such as Jaques and Mailiana, any body across Europe using a predominantly British name will have their baby taken away and put in to a new care system being set up in Romania.  The care system will include a correction facility to ensure the child does not demonstrate any British traits during its childhood.  Once mature the newly conditioned EU citizen will be entered in to service of the EU as bureaucrats and thought police.

Labour are expected to fast-track the Baby Name Bill through parliament before the next election to guarantee it is not opposed by the wrong-thinking opposition parties who believe that removing a parents right to choose their own baby name should not be removed from them.  Labour have issued a statement that said “We believe this is the right thing to do, to harmonise a European-wide cultural identity and foster a new age of togetherness must be at the forefront of our agenda.  Clearly, anyone who does not support this must be removed from society for the good of all people.  Baby names are not to be offered out to just anyone and responsibility needs to be taken.  These are the tough decisions that we have to make.”