Band of Slugs

Poor Countries to Take Rich for Mugs

Francis Bacon may have shat up to 24,000 times.

Representatives for poor countries in Copenhagen are set to unveil an ambitious plan to completely fleece rich countries by playing the climate change card and guilting western leaders in to stumping up £30 billion that they say will help them combat the death of the planet.  Western nations had already offered £6 billion but were quickly told that if they only gave that much the poor countries would have to set fire to all their trees and leave the car running overnight.

A statement from the Poor and Small Island Nations Alliance said “You lot think that people are causing this when we know that it is actually the God ‘Seethreeppeo’ who, with his mate that looks like a kitchen bin, eat lots of curry and fart huge amounts of hot air in to the atmosphere.  You can’t stop them or they’ll get angry and smite us all.  Instead we want loads of money because you’re all a bunch of gullible pricks who will actually shaft your people to ensure you get to look smug and can hob-knob with the likes of Geldof, Chris Martin, various hippies and Bono.”

Because western nations are all so preoccupied with philantropy it is likely that they will offer the requested money but they will need to invent at least another 3 taxes to cover the cost. Already plans for an extra 12 taxes that pretend to be about climate change have been agreed but leaders are worried that their voters might start to catch on if they continue to take the piss and plunder ever more money from the people.

The new taxes will include a duty on dead relatives going back to 1620 to cover the damage to the environment from the period they were alive and it will be calculated on an estimate of how many times they went to the toilet in their lifetime.

Plans for new taxes to cover the poor countries demands might have to go further with one think tank proposing a system of contributions based on how many times a person uses predominantly white websites, such as Google and Wikipedia.  It is thought that the extra power needed to render white on computer displays accounts for the deaths of at least 3 polar bears a decade.

The summit in Copenhagen continues and Chancellor Obama is expected to turn up for later this week with an open top bus parade to show his Noble Peace prize.