Band of Slugs

Suits Meet in Copenhagen to Invent New Green Taxes

Tough on Farts, Tough on the causes of Farts!

Leading Suits from around the world are meeting in Copenhagen today in a fresh round of discussions that aim to create ever more ridiculous taxes based around an assumption that we’re all killing the Planet.  Despite human activity accounting for less than 3% of carbon emissions the suits aim to guilt us all in to coughing up more money to pay for their pensions and jumped up jobs that appear only to make things worse for everyone.

Gordon Brown, the worlds foremost expert in Bullshit, is expected to announce a new tax on farting to counter human methane output.  There will also be new taxes on anybody eating beef products to pay for Cow trumps, and don’t even think about bacon and sausage for breakfast – a new ‘Full English’ tax could raise the price of the nations favourite breakfast meal to an average of £25.99 – except in Happy Chef, where the meat content of their plates is close to zero.

The BBC are expected to play their part by ensuring the public are well and truly hoodwinked in to believing that a rise in carbon emissions leads to global warming and not, as science dictates, the other way around.  Experts, who are risking their lives talking about climate change without government authorisation, have evidence to suggest that carbon emissions rise because of global warming.  As water vapour is, by a country mile, the most volumous green house gas it is now believed that warming temperatures lead to hugh increase in the amount of carbon released by the worlds ocean.  Quite how a few suits plan to take on the seas in some weird King Canute moment remains to be seen.

More bizarre still is how the suits are getting away with accusing the electorate of murdering the planet with their 3% stake in carbon emissions.  What the world needs now isn’t electric cars, it needs electric chairs for all the suits that are about to make you and I skint.  Guilty and skint.