Band of Slugs

SNP Plans for EU Rule

"Give me a Franco/German Alliance over the English anyday!"

The SNP today outlined their ambitious plan to split the British union and to declare the EU as the new rulers of Scotland.  In a chapter entitled “Our Ego Knows No Bounds” the SNP delivered a damning verdict on the Scottish people who run the historic union from Westminster in London and proposed that a Franco/German alliance might be better at running the show from their castle in Belgium.

Some Scots, who may have taken ‘Braveheart’ too seriously, are pleased that the SNP are driving through an agenda of change in the powers that control Scotland.  Alistair McTavish, a Scottish person, said “Och aye, I cannee be bothahed aboot those english bastarts who kem here tee treat oor wimmen leek shite, d’yee knaa.  Aye, Scotland tee the arseholes in Europe – it cannee be any wurse nee can it?”

English people are largely pleased with the plans, but are worried that they’ll still end up paying for the Scots through their bloated European bill.  English groups have been set up to ask why they pay so much money to Scotland and why there are so many Scots running the show in London.  Peter Smith, head of the ‘Where is all our Tax Money going?’ said “We are tantalisingly close to the answers.  We are run by a load of sweaties, and we give a lot of money to them – the answer is on the tip of my tongue.  Meanwhile, we have been wondering why the hell it’s the jocks who want a referendum on independence – why can’t the English have their say?”

Scotland are unlikely to get a vote on indepence as the SNP is in a minority, despite being in charge of things up there, and the other parties are aware that the country is effectively laughing all the way to the RBS, on English bail-out money, so long as they remain in the Union.