Band of Slugs

Fears Grow Over Jedward Release

John and Edward are out. Release the Tanks!

Britain is living in the grip of fear after John and Edward Grimes were released from the X Factor at the weekend.  Jedward are now expected to be seen far more frequently on television shows now that they are no longer confined to quarantine which has led to wide spread panicking among the public.

The villagers of Shipton Bellinger, Wilts, have gone as far as to dismantle the Television aeriel and demolish incoming roads to prevent exposure to the Irish twins.  One prominent resident told Band of Slugs “We aren’t taking any chances here, the children need to be protected from this evil.  We are writing to the Government to provide aid and we have issued Simon Cowell with an ASBO for his role in creating this atrocity.”

ITV are expected to unleash the fantasist pair with a packed appearance schedule, taking in their daytime shows as well as a role in Coronation Street where the boys are expected to approximate a song and dance routine in the knicker factory.

Public order groups have requested the army are returned from overseas operations to patrol the streets with orders to shoot the twins on site if they are seen to be communicating in any way with scared Britons.

The Government has so far only used the twins to make a dig at the Conservatives which sensationally backfired when the Tories ran a poster campaign depicting Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling as the hateful twins with the slogan “We’ve got rid of Jedward, but we’re still left with deadwood!”  Hilarious.