Band of Slugs

Luck of the Irish Becomes Luck of the French

Thiery Henry needed to cheat to beat the Irish. How crap are the French?

The age old cliche ‘The Luck of the Irish’ was finally killed off yesterday and replaced with the more accurate ‘The Luck of the French’. An amendment will be made to the Queens speech to add the ‘Luck of the Irish Bill’ which will now ban any reference to the Irish being anything other than drunk and certainly not lucky. A second extra Bill will seek to change all occurrences in any media of the Irish being lucky to the French being “lucky and smelly”.

While the Irish football team are hardly any good, the French needed Argentinian-style cheatery to put them to the sword. Thiery Henry displayed dazzling abilities last night to put the woefully sub-average Irish out of next years World Cup last night. The French superstar sensationally used all his prowess to perform an undetected double-handball and setup his team mate for the winning goal.

The former Arsenal striker used his left to control the ball twice in rapid succession leaving confused English people to wonder if they cared at all. Jurgen Klausmieyer, an English person, said “I really don’t know how to feel. On the one hand I couldn’t care less but on the other I feel I should be really patronising and offer exaggerated sympathies to the Irish. Ahh, the poor little Irish got knocked out by le frogs, diddums!”

UK News outlets had filled their airwaves and presses with a campaign of utterly false and near embarrassing unity with a nation that has ridden her luck for too long. Jacquie Beltrao, a Sky New anchor for Sports, seemed almost motherly this morning and talked in baby-tones as she said “The poor ickle Irish getting bullied by the nasty-wasty French, there there, paddy-poo. We made you this pretty certificate of merit and were going to give you all gold stars. Ain’t that nice. Yeah.”