Band of Slugs

Robbie Williams to Take Take That Back

Robbie Bungie Jumps from his home in Heaven

Robbie Williams is expected to to take Take That back this week, paving the way for return to the charts for The Robbie Williams and his Northern Chums Band.  Tens of fans are expected to storm the BBC’s Children in Need event where it’s expected that Robbie will perform with his reformed group to a select gathering of 30-somethings who still remember them from the first time.

Robbie Williams said “Obviously I have been terribly successful since I got rid of them back in t’ day, but I feel that t’ time is reet to have them back under my wing and in my considerable shadow.  That’s quite a nice line, is that – I might just use it a new song that I’ll write with someone else.  The boys will make super-smashing-great backing singers on it.”

Gary Barlow, one of the backing singers, said “We tried to do it ourselves without him, but it we just couldn’t fight against such an enormous ego!  I mean the guy is a walking, talking, singing, dancing self-indulgence.  He is magnificent and we all feel quite humbled that he would have us back at a time when we thought we couldn’t get any lower.”

Fans have welcomed the reformation with many saying “Robbie is so good, like totally.”  A new record is already in the making under the working title of ‘Thank God for Robbie Williams (and his Northern Chums)’.  Richard Ashcroft has written a new song, already expected to be the first single from the new record, called ‘Robbie is Dead, Long Live Robbie and Bugger Everyone Else’.  The song opens with the lines:

When I was just a little boy,
I asked Robbie ‘What would I be’?

He said I’d be happy,
An aura of glee,

As long as you stick with me

Jason Orange, another backing singer, is said to be less enthusiastic than his his backing singer partners.  Rumours circulating around pop forums suggest he thought Take That were doing rather well for themselves without Robbie and that reforming would benefit only Williams’ career.  Denials have been issued by their record label suggesting that such nonsense is clearly a fabrication and the evidence is abundant that Robbie Williams is in fact Jesus Christ.