Band of Slugs

Modern Warfare 2 Blamed for Least Productive Day Ever

Oh dear, Medic to Accounts on the double!

Modern Warfare 2 was released last night at midnight prompting the biggest slump in productivity in Britain’s workplaces since the Final Fantasy VII was released in 1997.  Men, some as old as 50, waited in the cold and rain for stores to open their doors to purchase the game.  Early reports suggest as much as 10% cut in total productivity among both sexes as the work rate from men plunged a total of 80%.

Analysts predicted the fall in male productivity could last 4 days, at which point the game, from Activision, would have out lived the attention span of those playing it.  Employers had predicted that the release of the game would impact on their turnover and have long had a policy of employing women who are far more likely to do their job with only pregnancy causing any concern over their return on investment.  It is thought that this policy, employed by many western nations, except for Australia who refuse to allow their male population access to games that could cause an outbreak of non-beach based fun, is the cause for many nations coming out of recession.

Games retailers are braced for a wave of trade-ins which will severely impact the supply to demand ratio of second hand titles available.  It is believed that the subsequent fall in prices for second hand games will further boost the productivity drop as males seek to fill the void left by Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.  Our anonymous source, a manager at a games retailer said “So we flogged about 7 million copies of Modern Warfare 2, but we now have 8 million copies of the first one – you’ll be able to buy it for a fiver from next week.  Not to mention Call of Duty 5, the crap one they released last year, bloody hell we have a warehouse in the Isle of Dogs full of them.”

Band of Slugs bought a copy for the office Xbox, entirely for research purposes, and we can report that our Internet will be down for the next 4 days so don’t expect much in the way of our usual honest, fact-rich and sound-of-opinion reporting.  And if you don’t believe that then the dog ate our keyboards and the posties couldn’t be bothered to deliver the new ones we ordered or something.

Jesus Christ, we just got told to massacre some innocent civilians – the Australian authorities are going to have a field day over this!