Band of Slugs

Pierre Lellouche Asks For a Good Kicking

Pierre Lellouche, a French person, has asked the British people to give him a good kicking in response to David Camerons promise to stop the EU from stealing the UK.  Pierre Lellouche, which translates as ‘Peter the Shower-Dodger’, accused the British of being universally autistic, pathetic, sad and castrated before finishing his statement with “…and I would love it if the British came and give me a right good kicking.”

David Cameron and William Hague will promise to hold a referendum on which of the two MP’s will get to deliver the kicking and voters will be urged to pick the man who they believe will most enthusiastically hand out a royal standard beating to the French surrenderist.

William Hague is the bookies favourite after appearing on Sky News this morning to begin his campaign for the position of Chief French Beater.  He said “And I call upon the British people to choose me to beat the little git.  I’m from good northern stock so I know what it’s like to get drunk of a Friday night about the town and senselessly beat up another person.  It’s the British way!”

Mr Cameron is expected to announce that he will use the two silver spoons in his mouth, as well as the plum, to inflict agony upon the French minister for Europe.  In a press conference later today David ‘Mad Dog’ Cameron is expected to say “It’s been too long since we gave the French a good battering, it’s time they were put firmly in their place again.  A Conservative government will actively engage any French person who so much as looks at a Briton in manner that does not befit the inherent goodness of all the British people.”

Pierre Lellouche welcomed the inevitable assault saying “Zoot alore!  I cannot wait for zis to ‘appon.  I ‘av been asking for zis for so long now that it had seemed that perhaps maybe zee Engleesh would not kick out of me, ‘ow you say, zee merde!”