Band of Slugs

US Considers Plan To Liberate UK

Having a history of saving the world from itself the US Government has been advised by senior military advisors to bring Democracy to the people of Britain.  Chancellor Obama has been briefed on the plan which would see the United Kingdom as the first part of Federal Europe to be invaded.

The US has been appointed, by itself, to restore democracy to countries where terrorism is rife and has seen some successes in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Iran had been intended to be the next target for liberty but its people have shown a willingness to revolt of their own accord, very unlike the British.  The United Kingdom had once been a rich source of social empowerment but has since lost its will having become the fattest, laziest and illiterate country on Earth.

The US will initially target the west coast, likely landing in Wales and delivering a very American flavour of Freedom.  England, and vitally London, will follow with Scotland to be left for Federal Europe to pay for.  The plan includes using Superman to assist but it is understood that DC Comics have yet to authorise deployment of their prized asset to any area that is undemocratic.  Britons are expected to be offered ‘Voting Powers’, a process where by they choose the outcome of decisions that will affect the nation by majority choice – or ‘a Vote’.

Northern Ireland may be an unfortunate casualty of the ‘Fight for Freedom’ as it is too close to the Republic of Ireland to be considered safe for recapturing from the Europeans.  It is not known if the submissive and belly-tickling nature of south-of-the-border Irish is an airborne virus, probably originating in France, that could infect the proud and brave Northern Irish people.  Leaked sections from documentation of the US plan suggest every effort will be made to restore the freedom of Northern Ireland.

It is not known if the US plans to rescue the Germans from themselves but it is unlikely the French will feature in the American operation.

Federal Europe responded to the US plan through their Franco-German foreign minister Pierre Von Shiezebugge.  He said “Bonjour mon petit pois!  Ve vill never surrender vot is now ours and everyone vill die, ve already haff planz fur der Englisher and zey are not very nice planz, ja.  Au Revoir mon amie!”