Band of Slugs

Online Backup Praised for Saving NUFC

Newcastle United FC were saved from further embarrassment last night when it was revealed all of the team notes from their Keegan-era matches were retrieved from the online backup they never knew they had.  The revelation prompted Mike Ashley to take the club off the market amid rising expectations that Newcastle may return to the Premier League for another woeful season.  The team notes retrieved from the online backup reveal Keegans tactics from some of the greatest matches in the clubs long and undistinguished history.

The online backup was initially thought to be a myth with club insiders saying that Keegan thought of everything, it was just that everyone else couldn’t think of everything when he left.  “He was really in to all this technology, we all thought it was what those nancy southerners got up to but it seems he was right.  Now we have all his notes so it’ll be like he was never gone now.  Ashley is very happy” said the clubs Tea Lady.   The providers of the online backup were pleased that they were able to help and noted that all the big clubs, the big successful clubs, were ensuring their online backup procedure was robust and efficient in the face of potential disaster.

Disaster recovery is at the root of all that Newcastle United do on and off the pitch these days.  Many fans were again calling for the return of King Kev.  Peter McNally, a Geordie, said “Way Aye man, I wurke up this murnin’ an’ thort tee meesel’ why dees wor Kev naa retorn and sort oot this shoe-er o’… ah ne’er mind me, leek.  Ah’ll tell ye wot thaa, online backup soonds al’ fancy pants an’ that burt it’s nat ‘arf useful, pet!  Howay Toon Army!  An that.”