Band of Slugs

Councillors Want More New Houses

Councillors across Great Britain last night demanded that more new houses should be built almost everywhere to ensure they can capitalise on bribes.  Evil council officials are keen to cash in on the end of the recession and expect many brown paper bags stuffed with cash to arrive on their desk as building firms push to start a new wave of new houses.

One council official told us “These have been hard times, the builders all got laid off and didn’t have the money to pay our usual bribes so we’ve had to make do with the thousands our mug voters pay us each year.  I had been hoping to have made about ten million quid by now, but this recession has seen me crawl past the seven million mark.  Mind you, it’s taken 3 years to get that, a long time in this game!”

Mark Sandringham, a silver-back builder, said “We just want to build house and these useless, greedy, self-serving coffin dodgers won’t let us move a single brick until we’ve drop two hundred and fifty large on their laps.  You should see the look in their eyes when they count the money – they’re like those wraiths out of Lord of the Rings.  It’s sick.”

Mary Hinge, a member of the public, is not happy that the councillors are back on the make.  She shouted “They’re horrible creatures, they make me sick.  I wish I could take them all and throw them in to the heap of rubbish bags that have been rotting away at the bottom of our street for the last 18 months.  I really haven’t got a nice word to say about them.”

When asked if they were concerned that the population of their town had doubled but there were no new jobs or services to cope with it, our anonymous councillor said “What do I care, I reckon with the recession over I’ll make enough in the next year to retire to Bermuda.  Mugs.  Besides, there’s always a Supermarket or two that wants in, we’ve got 15 supermarkets now with another one the way.  They pay the big money!”