Band of Slugs

Postal Workers Demand more Corporate Events

Lay-about Postal workers have insisted to management that nothing less than regular corporate events will get them back to delivering the mail.  Corporate events are seen as the best way for posties to do less work while on the job and have now become a higher priority than wage rises – as long as the booze is free.

Nigel Glover, a postal worker, said “You see all these suits going round in their flash cars to yet another corporate event and you wonder why you bother delivering his junk mail for him.  If you think we’ve got envy issues you’d be right.  We just want our fair share of the jollies!”

Royal Mail supremo, Adam Crozier is a regular at corporate events where he is often seen sipping expensive wine whilst pretend to be interested in new machines that could potentially revolutionise the mail system.  Talking exclusively to Band of Slugs he said “Look, there are only so many invites that get sent out for these events and they are a very important part of our daily routine – you can’t just send in the rank and file! Could you imagine a group of socially stunted, short-wearing unionists turning up at one of these corporate events?  It’s be funny, but it wouldn’t be clever.”

With no resolution to the Corporate Events fiasco the strike looks set to continue with the biggest losers being the public.  Many will simply ask why the government doesn’t open up domestic mail to other companies, using competition to improve services.  Haley Ratchet disagrees, the working mum from Sudbury said “Don’t make me laugh, all I ever get are bills and Argos leaflets.  You have to wonder why the royal mail can seemingly deliver what is essentially an acre of rainforest worth of useless junk to the masses without being asked what their purpose is really for.  Want to send me a letter?  Don’t bother, look me up on Facebook instead.”

Indeed.