Band of Slugs

NASA Solves Problem of Coastal Erosion

Space-botherers NASA will today solve the international problem of coastal erosion by blowing up the Moon and preventing the worlds tidal motions.  The plan has been in development for many years and this morning, with the destruction of the moon, people living along endangered coastal areas will see huge reductions in their insurance premiums.

The news has been welcomed by coastal communities across the globe with only a small number of Meteorologists, incomprehensible surfers  and environmentalists expressing muted concern. Professor Ralph Herman, of the UK’s Met Office, said quietly “Do you not realise that this will effectively kill the planet too?  I have heard of using a sledge hammer to crack a walnut but this is out there, man!  No tidal movement means no jet stream, so the whole weather system will be knackered, not to mention those would-be surfers in Cornwall.  Thought about them did they? ”

A spokesman for ‘Definitive US National Conspiracy Exposure’, or DUNCE, said “They’re only doing it so that it’s easier to extract oil from the ocean floor.  Or maybe it’s so we don’t find out they never actually put men up there, because they definitely didn’t.  Actually, it’s more likely they’re faking it and just making us think they blew up the moon.  It’s so obvious.”

NASA dismissed DUNCE as a crackpot group of mis-informed fools, but insisted that the ‘experiment’ was only to discover more about the moons composition, fuming “For God’s sake, if I hear another quote from DUNCE again I swear I will have lost all faith in the apparent wisdom of humanity.  We are not blowing up the moon, you probably won’t even see the small dent when we’re finished.  And what is all this nonsense about tidal prevention?  What the hell is that anyway.”

Upon weighing up the evidence given by both NASA and DUNCE, Band of Slugs has concluded that NASA are evil and are engaged in a campaign of lies and deceit.  They are, however, occasionally benevolent and therefore we can all say goodbye to the moon, say hello to calm seas and no more annoying beach culture.  This may even kill off any reason to for the Australians to exist too so it truly is a time to rejoice.