Band of Slugs

Mephistopheles Camps it up to Annoy Catholics

Peter ‘Mephistopheles’ Mandelson abandoned restraint last night and delivered the gayest performance of all time yesterday at the Labour party conference in Brighton.  Colleagues insisted that the plan all along was to get up the nose of the Catholics – a strange, money obsessed religion that centres its entire belief system around hating homosexuals and following the exploits of Celtic FC.

Mephistopheles, the worlds most evil gay man, ramped up the camp with a series of limp wristed gesturing, eye rolling and arse-wiggling mincing to the delight of the right-on crowd of former miners, disgruntled human rights lawyers and reformed protesters.  One child-hating, left leaning teacher described the speech as “the most camp of camp performances I’ve ever seen” and said “that should really get up the [backside] of that Ratzinger, it’s not like Catholics aren’t ripe for a ribbing, is it!?  He may as well have come on stage in a big pink JCB while wearing  crotchless German issue Army trousers and throwing Carnations at the front row through a big telly tubby shaped hula hoop – it was that gay!”

A spokesman for Catholic Offence to Queers, or COQ, said “He’s always doing this, every chance he gets to wind up a few Left Footers he’ll take it.  I tell you, give that demon an inch and…  well, I think you can work out what he’d do with that.  Needless to say, keep your children safe!”

Mephistopheles responded to the quote from COQ saying “Those horrid Mackerel Snappers can go and kiss my [bottom], I’m fabulous, they’re not.  Deal with it, honey!  And for the record, if any of your readers are interested in buying my house my email address is explosion of fab at all over my dot co dot cee kay.  Enjoy, girls!”