Band of Slugs

Open Season on the West

Hunters everywhere are preparing for the opening of the westernised nations season, giving them a green light to shoot dead any mature western nation they happen to see roaming the meadows.

Top hunters, including President Ahmadinejad and Colonel Gaddafi, have cleaned their substantial rifles and packed enough ammunition to make the UN conference in New York a complete blood bath, with Pride and Dignity expected to be among the first species to be shot in to oblivion.

Gaddafi, a recent world champion Westernised Nations hunter, said “They’re really very easy to shoot.  They just walk right in to the path of my gun and BLAM!  I swear it’s the funniest thing ever, if I miss they just stop and wait for me to reload and BANG I’m off again.” When asked about how he expected this new season to go, Gaddafi assured us “Well I will start with a boring 90 minute speech where I will insult the whole of the westernised world before throwing some papers around, by this time they’re all asleep so I just go around shooting will nilly!  Works everytime.”

President Ahmadinejad was less enthusiastic about the coming season saying “It’s always the same, you tease them with a hint of nuclear missles and they all come running, then you stun them with an outburst about gay people.  Before they know it they’ve been ritually humiliated and made to look a bunch of spinless fools – they practically beg you to shoot them.  It’s all very dull these day, I’m sure westernised nations had more balls than this, but I guess it’s been bred out of them.  That Gaddafi bloke is new to this so it’s all quite fresh for him, but when you’ve been at it as long as I have there’s just no challenge in it anymore…”

Sally Papillon, a western national preparing to be shot at, said “Well, we ask for it don’t we?!  All those CND lefties looked funny back in the day, but now they’re bloody well running the country.  I remember when we used to put up a bit of a struggle, but we just want it over and done with now.  I think I’ll paint a big bullseye on my arse.”