Band of Slugs

Fosters Additives Turn Sydney Red

A factory that produced the horrendous amounts of additives in Fosters ‘beer’ leaked yesterday leaving Sydney looking like a scene from Total Recall.  Fosters ‘Beer’, notorious worldwide for tasting like the toilet water from a German Sausage Festival urinal, includes vast quantities of the red poison in its ‘beer’ to numb the pain of drinking it.  The factory blamed a leak in one of its huge additive vats, spewing a red dust cloud all over Sydney.

A spokesman for Fosters said “I think we all agree our ‘beer’ needs this filth in it to make it remotely palatable.  Without it, tests have shown it would be like drinking sea water from the coast of Iraq – and believe me, it’s not just oil in there!”  Environmentalists are concerned that Fosters may eventually kill the planet with there diabolical flavourings.  A hippie referred to Fosters ‘brewery’ as “a factory of death, producing the very chemicals that will not only destroy our planet but will eventually turn Mars red too!”

Native peoples from the area were slightly shaken and had at first attributed the red sky to angry aborigine Gods sending death to them for being terribly obnoxious and internationally disrespected.  Shiela Skysurfer, a complete twat, shouted “g’day, bingo bongo barbie tinny mate ringa dinga doo dah mate!”.  Fearing this native to have inhaled too much Fosters additives Band of Slugs shot her.  Regrettable, but noble.  She is no longer in pain.