Band of Slugs

Shock As Voters Learn Obama Was Born Black

US Voters were in shock last night as Chancellor Obama revealed he was a Black man before the election.  Many had thought he simply turned black after visiting a tanning salon whilst on his pilgrimage to Jesusland in Jordan.  Speaking on David Lettermans show the Chancellor told a record audience he “was Black before the election” prompting many to question where he got his nice tan and fueling rumours he never actually went to Jesusland.

Obamas trip to Jesusland was largely reported a success with many outlets reporting that the ‘Are You the Second Coming Machine’ flashed green for yes after Obama had inserted his quarter.  A sure sign that Obama is the new Christ.  Whilst there Obama frequented the ‘Holy Tan, Batman’ tanning salon where he then turned ‘black’ after over doing it on the sabbath.

Randy Cyrus, from Alabama, said “Gee, I thought he was a white guy and then he was kinda done Black after pilgrimin’ to Jesusland?  Weren’t he s’posed to be the new Jesus or some such?  Guessin’ it was like when Jesus done got killed by them Jooz and stopped the terrorists from killin’ all o’ us folk in the US of A.  Well, that’s what the Bible had written it anyhow.”

Band of Slugs asked a religious nut to have a word with God or Jesus or whoever and clarify Obama had made pilgrimage and if he is indeed the second coming of Christ.  Father Donal O’Flagnagnhanaghn said he had God on his mobile phone and, with only 30 cents of credit left, managed to get this response from the powerful Deity “Piss off, mate!  Do you know what time it is up here, we’re 11 hours behind you!  I don’t care who you are if you wake me up at 2 in the morning again I’ll smite your sorry ass, capiche?  And for the record, you treated my first son like toilet water so if you think I’m sending another down there for you freaks to butcher you’re a Zuz short of a Shekel!”

David Letterman, a man with a strange gap in his teeth, lept to the defence of the new overlord saying “Top Ten this week ‘Americas dumbest Audience!’, in at number 1?  Mine!”

A spokesman for Chancellor Obama said “Dem ho’s keep tryin’ to buck my rides but they kno’ that i ain’t givin’ em they nickels if they still kick it off the heezy and bounce.  For real tho.”