Band of Slugs

Bobby Davro Eats Jeremy Clarkson

Famous impressionist Bobby Davro has eaten Jeremy Clarkson, it has been claimed by the police.

The incident took place after Clarkson made offensive remarks to a group of hippy women dressed as suffragettes, who had dumped horse manure on Clarkson’s driveway. One of these women turned out to be Bobby Davro, who was enraged by Clarkson’s alleged outburst, allegedly – and ate him.

The investigating detective commented: “For a small man he seems to have eaten Mr Clarkson with relative ease. He appears to have dislocated his jaw in order to fit Clarkson’s larger-than-usual head in. Officers arrived at the scene too late to save the BBC TV presenter who was found completely digested in the suspect’s stomach. Only an Aston Martin car key was recovered.”

While the media has been suggesting that Davro was part of the feminist hippy group because he liked wearing early 20^th century dresses, others have stated that Davro was in love with the hairiest protester (Bubsey) – and when Clarkson let loose on her, Davro simply snapped.

Some circles have proffered the idea that Davro had joined the dark underbelly of Hippy Suffrogette-Inspired Protesters after appearing in the BBC’s popular soap opera ‘EastEnders’. Friend’s of the ex-comedian say he went into a spiralling depression whilst filming the show. He then met Bubsey, who at the time was protesting outside the EastEnders set about Ian Beale’s excessively capitalistic behaviour.

On hearing the news, Clarkson’s close relatives said they “weren’t too fussed” about the incident, although they hoped the police would hand over the Aston Martin keys as soon as their investigations were complete.