Band of Slugs

Just This Once, Mind You

I’d like to tell you that I’m going to stop smoking. But the truth is I can’t.

Why not? Because I don’t actually smoke. That is, of course, if you don’t count having a sly fag with a pint of that most popular of real ales – Stella Artois. I find the combination of subtle Belgian hops (brewed in the UK) and fragrant Virginia tobacco (packed in Bristol) is irresistible.

They are a match made in heaven, a pairing of unparalleled beauty, a combination that is hard to better; and a first class ticket to being six foot under, up in smoke.

Still, we carry on, don’t we? Just one more, for medicinal purposes, right? It doesn’t count if it’s with Stella Artois – because Stella Artois is made of hops, which are essentially a vegetables – and they prevent anything nasty happening, right? Yeah?

The Just This Once mentality is one that is hard to shake. We know it might lead to future discomfort, future pain. But we do it anyway. Because it’s Just This Once and I want it.

I’m going to apply this excuse to bank robbing; rob a bank and then give up the nasty habit. As soon as I’ve stashed a cool million, that is (in an offshore bank account if possible).

All this stop smoking propaganda is stressful; sure to cause health problems. I can’t take it anymore. It’s all just too much -

I need a fag. JUST THIS ONCE MIND YOU.