Band of Slugs

McTaggart’s Haggis Exports Co De-Scottify Products

The famous Haggis maker McTaggart’s of Perth has been making moves to de-scotify its business, after fears have emerged of an anti-Scottish backlash by American consumers following the release of Alexander al-Megrahi. They are having to put vast unused quantities of haggis in self storage.

The news comes as some Americans have been pointing out that Alexander sounds like quite a Scottish name, and perhaps the Scottish are looking after their own. McTaggart’s has begun the process of changing its name as well as that of its major export – Haggis. Now ‘Smith’s Of Oxford’s Sheep’s Pudding’ will now be exported to the USA, where Mctaggart’s are hoping their American customers won’t notice the change.

It is thought by some economists that the extra Government revenues generated by the new oil deal with Libya (shh, no one knows, right?) will be cancelled out by the loss of export money from Haggis sales, frozen battered mars bar exports, and the real money spinning export – everyone’s favourite ambiguously-flavoured drink, IRN BRU.

And salmon sales to the USA have also dropped off to zero and are set to reduce further over the coming weeks. While all Scottish exports are suffering from the fall-out of the al-Megrahi episode, this fish has been particularly badly hit, sounding as it does suspiciously like the first minister of Scotland, Alexander Salmond. It does seem like this man (who shares the same first name with Al Megrahi, as it turns out) has made a bit of a boo boo.

Something smells a bit fishy about this entire episode, and any amount of de-Scotifying is unlikely to prevent the situation getting much worse for the Scottish economy.