Band of Slugs

Price of Lager to Blame for MG Rover Collapse

A £16 million report into the collapse of MG Rover has revealed that four drunks made £42 million by putting just £2.50 each of their own money in to failed car maker MG Rover becasue they didn’t have enough for four pints at the pub.  The blame once again falls on the Governement who stubbornly refuse to stop bleeding everyone dry with a 730% tax on beer.

The report, the one that cost £16 million quid, is only loosly critical of the ‘Phoenix Four’ who bought the struggling car company.  “The idea to buy MG Rover came about because the four didn’t have enough money to buy a round”  the report said “If the price of beer was £2.50 a pint instead of a wage-caning £3 then this whole tragedy could have been avoided.”

John Towers, one of the lucky winners, said “We was in the pub and we only had a tenner between us.  We told the barman we had ten quid and could we have four pints please and he was like nah mate piss off, so we did but on the way to the bookie we were offered Rover for a tenner.  I never though they meant the whole bloody company, but it was a better bet than Aston Villa away to Blackburn at the time.”

When asked “Nevermind sodding Rover, how did this report cost that much money?  It’s disgusting” the government responded “Ask not why the report cost an MP’s expense bill, ask instead why you never bought Rover and trousered £42 million!”  Violent crimes against MP’s are expected to reach record levels and it’s harldy surprising given that Britons likes their leaders as much as they like smearing [poo] into their nostrils.

John Smith, an idiot from Nuneaton, said “I remember when it was all going tits up and the company was up for a tenner.  I says to Dave in the pub that I’d buy it and give myself a new car, it was only a laugh like, I never thought someone would buy it and give themselves a bloody fortune.”  Dave, the man in the pub, followed “£16 million quid for a report?  Shouldn’t there be an investigation into that? … Is that Ed Balls?  It is!  Get him!”