Band of Slugs

Madonna Urged to put some Clothes on

Israelis and Palestinians stopped killing each other for 23 minutes last night.  In a rare moment of unity both sides insisted that Madonna should stop behaving like a Sugar Babe, realise she is older than most of her fans mothers and put some bloody clothes on before she catches her death.

Shocking scenes in Tel Aviv of an old woman in a leotard were beamed around the world at dinner time resulting in the largest outbreak of projectile vomiting since Britney Spears went knicker-less in Vegas.  Religious leaders were outraged with Rabi’s willing to impose strict Muslim dress to prevent the superstar from ever doing this again. Muslim elders suggested that use of Israeli military tactics could be the solution, effectively advocating an air strike on her next show.  Both statements were seen as the most significant move towards Jews and Muslims aggreeing on anything.

Hilary Clinton urged more such projects, suggesting that the best way to peace in the middle east might be to offend all of them as much as possible and at least on a daily basis.  Ideas such as a Tom Jones gig, a pork sausage festival, Celine Dion and a chain of Butlins throughout the West Bank have been met with derisision from Isralis and Palastinians.

Mohammed Al-Kaheed said “I was talking to my mate, Benjamin, and he was like totally with me on this one, she should definitely stop making everyone sick.  If she cared at all she would put some clothes on”.  Benjamin Geller added “Yeah, Mo is right on the money here.  She must be stopped at all costs!”

A spokesman for Madonna said “She is ever so slightly demented now, it’s her age.  She genuinely thinks it’s 1983 and that she looks alright in next to nothing.  We have tried telling her but she just won’t listen – you know what these old dears are like.”

Madonna said on her Twitter “Hello Dearies, after bingo I’m going to wash the piss stains out of my frock and then rehearse for a show I’m doing at the Conservative club.”