Band of Slugs

It Was All England’s Arseholing Fault

Scotland made a swift return to form yesterday and once again blamed England for everything that has ever gone wrong including the Megrahi scandal, arguably the worst decision this century.  After documents were released that said British Prime Minister, an utterly Scottish person, did not want the UK’s worst murderer to die in jail Scotland’s first minister, Alex ‘Och I hate the English’ Salmond, insisted that the Scottish parliaments choice was justified and if it was at all wrong then critics should look no further than Westminster.  Yes that Westminster, which is actually full to bursting with Scottish people.

Alex Salmond said “Nay point lookin’ this way pal, I’ll knock yer heed aff if you so much as look at me the wrong way.  Och anyway, it was all the fault oo’ those bastart English reet.  That Gordon Brown fella said he’d of let that nice man gan tee so I dinnee see hoo that makes it a Scottish problem – as eva, all Scotlands problems can be traced back tee London.”

Scottish residents in Edinburgh were largely in disagreement with their leaders.  Tavish McSock said “Ach they’re all a pack oo’ arseholes, lies is all they’re much good at.  They’ve spent the last week saying they made the right choice and noo that Brown wanker has said he wuz in favour oo’ it an’ that Salmond prick is all like Aye, it were the fault of them English bastarts.”

The rest of the world seemed oblivious to the existence of Scotland with many Americans saying “Scotland?  Is that in England?  So was it the Queen who sent the terrorist back?”

Meanwhile, it has emerged that Alex Salmond is in fact a short, fat more hobbit like version of Peter Mandelson.  Rumours of the two evil politicians meeting at a bar in Canal Street are as yet unconfirmed.