Band of Slugs

Football Fans in French Style Handbag Festival

West Ham and Millwall fans last night forgot about their football rivalry and decided instead to wave their handbags at each other in a French manner.  The action was welcomed by the Football Association who are keen to continentalise English football and make it as dreary and pointless as the French and German leagues.

Fans forgot all about the Carling Cup match between their teams and came to the match with their best handbags in a bid to out-handbag their rivals.  West Ham Handbag fancier Steven Smith said “Awight!  Yeah mate, it was all like never mind the soddin’ football, lets get out our biggest, most celebrity-esque handbags and really show those Millwall boys who’s got the best snakeskin over-the-shoulder.  Actually, there were some really special bags out there today, it’s all the rage in France you know.”

Millwall fans, usually more famous for beating and stabbing anyone with more than 1.3cm of hair on their head, massed in great numbers on Green Street with what some are saying was the largest gathering of handbags by males in recorded history.  Dave Smith, a dog breeder from Lewisham, was delighted with the turn out saying “I was worried at first there might be too many of us and that someone might be bringing the same handbag as me – I needn’t have worried though, not too many Millwall fans have got the bollocks to parade a 2 foot pink Dolce and Gabbana horse skin long buckle double strap I can tell you”.

Local Law enforcement decided not to show up to the gathering as they were worried about the negative publicity that would be generated by policing a handbag gathering.  PC John Smith said “You try and tell a load of blood thirsty coppers they won’t be kicking seven bells out of some hooligans, but would they kindly make sure the handbag jamboree goes down without anyone breaking a nail.  They’re not getting out of bed for anything less than some youth bashing these days.  It’s not like the good ol’ days anymore you know.”

French Football fans were disappointed that they might have some serious competition in the handbag stakes with their English rivals, Pierre DuFluer said “Zoot alor!  Zee engleesh are certainly à la mode with zer ‘andbags.  Mon aperçu is zat zee ros biffs, pour zer avant-garde bags, are haute couture. It iz de rigueur for men oo are fier de l’être to be seen viz zer big bags out on show, oui?!”