Band of Slugs

Football Harder Than Rugby – Official

Football thespians around the country took to the streets this morning to round up nancy Rugby Actors and give them a good drubbing following Tom Williams’ terrible acting in Harlequins Heineken Cup quarter final against Leinster.

Wearing a tutu, short shorts and high heels Williams used a comedy blood capsule purchased from a Roger Tuckers, 8 from Sunderland’s St. Lawrence Primary School, to get himself taken off the field so a different big girls blouse could then run on to hold the genitals of another man.

Arjen Roben, a professional sports thespian from Holland, said “Thish man ish, in this moment, terrible with the acting – if you look closely you will also notice that he is not making any effort to clutch his throat in a manner which might indicate that he has been cut up like a… … …perhaps I should not say thish thing”.

After being on the receiving end of what appeared to be a good hiding at the hands of footballers Ugo Monye admitted that Rugby had been exposed and had this message for his colleagues in the game “Get out while you still can, these footballers aren’t pissing about you know!  They mean business – what they do, right, is go to give you a big smack in the mouth but then just stamp their feet to make a noise and tap you with their forearm.  I saw the technique on ‘Americas Got Wrestlers’, or was it ‘When Men in Leotards Go Bad 4’ – anyway, it’s dead frightening, these guys really know how it’s done.  We’ve opened a can of worms ‘ere”.

The World’s best Sports Thespian, Christiano Ronaldo, made this statement to gathered media at a Rugby Bashing event in Saffron Waldon.  “Hello I am Christiano Ronaldo and I am the world’s greatest ever sports simulator.  I will not allow the efforts of some of simulations greatest good people to be make a mess of by these large animals that cannot even be arseholed to make good with diving and writhing in simulated agony.  They are not passionate about simulation and that is why I am the greatest simulator in the world”.

Ordinary people were supportive of the footballers brutal campaign against rugby thespians, many joining in or supporting their favourite teams with cash donations.  Tod Carty, an actual thespian, said “These rugby thesps have been swanning about saying how much harder they are and they wouldn’t take a fall for nothing – well they’re shoving those words up their arse now aren’t they.  I mean, did you see it?  It looked like the guy was spitting out a cherry slush puppy.  The twat, he deserves a right good kicking.”

Martin Johnson, England Rugby Casting Director, was unapologetic last night saying “Bloody hell, it’s not like he cheated or anything.  Oh, he did.  Right then.  Ok, you got me – we’re all big jessies and football is much better.  Happy now?”