Band of Slugs

WALES Resurgent after Ant Assault

WALES last night insisted that it is alive and well after reports linked its demise with Electric Ant Arsonists.  Possibly tens of English people were said to be mildly curious for not more than 20 seconds before forgetting about it and promptly getting on with job of pomposity.  WALES, Welsh Against Laudable  English Superiority, had thought to have been wiped out following the attack.

WALES Terror Folk

A spokesman for WALES said “It’s true, the electric arson ants did a bit of a number in the valleys but the didn’t count on Tom Jones and his splendid perma-tan did they?  Isn’t it”.  When pressed for more information on Tom Jones’ involvement the spokeman gave a coy look before muttering “boyo” through a not insignificant snear.

Grfydd Llygwaghnon from Swalabroghaghadydd survived the Ant attack and suggests that the English may have developed the sinister insects to silence Tom Jones and annoy Charlotte Church and her pet animal, Gavin Somethingorother.  “If you think about it, it makes sense doesn’t it, boyo, I mean you can’t go around making ants that are in to all that arson, isn’t it, I blame the internet boyo, that’s where they get their ideas from isn’t it”.  When asked if this would only increase tensions within his organisation he replied “WALES will carry on, I suppose.  Boyo.  Valleys isn’t it, you see”.

David Cameron and Gordon Brown were united in their response last night with both giving the same answer – “You what, sweet cheeks”?  Gordon Brown issued a prompt statement from within his lair that read “We are aware of a terrorist cell active in somewhere west of Gloucester and an investigation is ongoing.  Naturally, we can’t comment on matters of national security but I can tell you that no-one here has ever heard of WALES, as such the investigation is really just a get together down the pub after PMQ’s”.

Senior Englishman Cameron, speaking from his Belgravia pussy palace, pondered this new threat to England from an unknown and elusive organisation called WALES.  “Yeah, and I choose my words very carefully here, someone is being a twat and tonight on Webcameron I’m going to be about town sharkin’ and drinking loads of pints, aren’t I”.

Public opinion was almost universal with 96% of those questioned unaware of WALES, and suggesting our researcher “[Go away], I’m sick of you lot hanging about the high street with your hands out looking money”.  Nigel Smith, 32 and a Pigeon Fancier from Shipton Bellinger, noted “What’s that mate, you want some money?  Sorry, ain’t got none but you could use a bath mate, you smell like a Rugby players arse”.

He added “Oh yeah, did you hear about those ants that arsonated the hell out of Wales?  Good effort”.