Band of Slugs

Obama Looks to UK for Population Control

Chancellor Obama last night revealed plans for a fairer Health System for all Americans, particularly the ‘can work, won’t work’ demographic.  The proposed ‘Peoples Well Being System’ is based on a concept of fusing the health system the bad guys had in the 1984 movie ‘Red Dawn’ and the British National Health Service (NHS).
The NHS was born of Britain’s lack of population control after doing a thoroughly good job of limiting the prospect of yet another big war.  When confronted with the possibility of peace in Europe the Labour Communist Workers Alliance for the People Party needed a system to kill as many British voters as possible.  The proposal for a state run health service was quickly put in place and has been starving Britons of first world health services ever since, limiting the population there to a manageable 60 million.

With the prospect of the War on Terror, now in its 8^th season, getting a bit boring for the average US voter Chancellor Obama has pledged to mimic the NHS, unless “China are up for a little war”.  Obama told Americans that the BBC insisted the “NHS is the envy of the world”.  Republicans dismissed that claim as fanciful, citing the ‘BBC’ as a fictional broadcasting corporation attributed to the myth of King Arthur and the fairytale country of Quaint Britain.

When questioned about the possible link from a state controlled health system to communism one Democratic voter, Aristotle Skye from Phoenix said “Like hi there guys I got a party tonight at my place bring some alcohol with you though okay and I don’t know what you mean about communalisationalism but we’re gonna watch Top Gun Tom Cruise is so hot did you know he’s only really short or something you wanna come alooooong”?  Before adding “Like yeah or something”.

Close aides to the Chancellor privately feel uneasy at both Obamas insistence on communicating absolutely everything he does to people who really haven’t got a clue about anything at all.  Many senior democrats believe that simply steam-rolling the United States in to Stalinism would be easier, cheaper and nobody would really notice anyway.  Replubicans however are insisting that their members would notice and more – they would definatley be up for a high-noon shooting followed by some ‘purdy’ lady folk and a horse-piss whiskey brew.

“Let’s just take a look at what we’re up against here” said Randy Applepie, a Republican ‘voter’ from Dallas.  “We got ourselves a skinny lawyer from Chicago and one of them there  androids in a wheel chair who done spends a little time  searching for a unified theory of everything  - it sure ain’t easy combining quantum mechanics and general relativity – or some such, anyhow we plum got that there feller from the movies and he’s got guns and catchphrases and such”.

Chancellor Obama declined our request for an interview, however he did say “Hey man, do you see the way I walk, it’s better than the Bush walk – I mean I got funk, big red all-men-are-born-equal funk mixed with a unique cocktail of we-want-your-money-to-give-it-to-everyone-else kinda hip shake.  D’ya sees that.  Of course y’ do”.

Randy Applepie added “Say, you ain’t seen that darn android have ye?  If’n ya do, y’all let me know now, ya hear”.